Friday, 25 September 2009

fathers don't get as much love as mothers

I am in Dubai until after I give birth enshallah, so staying at my parents house brings out a lot of emotions and thoughts to me

for example, being back here makes me feel like i am 18 again! my parents still treat me the way they used before i got married, I am not allowed to eat chocolate or junk food, no staying up late and i must wake up in the morning :S

i love it nonetheless, i don't necessarily follow their rules but i love it

last night my mom and sisters went to Ajman for a family dinner, I felt heavy and didn't join them. so I stayed with my father and elder sister at home. we were having dinner at my father's tv room/office and we watched movies, talked about everything and joked.

a thought suddenly hit me

i love my father!

i never admitted this before because i never felt that way before. my memories of my father as I was growing up were negative and cruel. I hated the way he "controlled" us, forbid us from being free and making me wear the 7ijab! my relationship with him was very official, I only spoke to him when I wanted something. I don't remember hugging him for no reason like i did with my mom, or sitting with him and talk about anything, or even missing him when he is gone.

my father was (and somehow still) a strict military man, he raised us to be like him but we rebelled against it and caused a drift that lasted for years. we never thought that he did whatever he was doing to protect us from people's judgment and Allah's wrath. this all became clear when I got engaged.

my husband told me that he asked around about me and everyone said the same, "Mashallah banat 3li are respectful, decent and unlike other girls. they are well educated and well behaved", he told me that he loved how I was the only one wearing the 7ijab in the family dinner he was attending. it surprised me, I thought guys steered clear from girls wearing 7ijab!

my two younger sisters are complaining about how they don't get as much freedom as girls in their age group, it makes me laugh when they do that, I tell them they will realize why our father does this by the time they get married.

el7mdellah that my father didn't let me hang out late with my friends
el7mdellah my father made me wear the 7ijab
el7mdellah my father yelled at me when I defied his orders
el7mdellah my father was strict with me as i grew up
el7mdellah my father took away some of my so called freedom
allah ye5aleek for us baba, i love you